Last night, I went to a quick-service restaurant for dinner, and it was quiet in the way these places tend to be when you avoid peak hours. The only sounds were the rustle of paper wrappers, low conversation between tables, and the steady hum of activity behind the counter.
There were only a few other guests in the dining room when I arrived: a thirtysomething couple, a set of grandparents and their grandchildren, and a woman sitting alone with a book. Everything felt normal until the woman reading received a phone call. She set her book down, placed her phone flat on the table, and answered the call using the external speaker.
I don’t know what the volume was, but if the speaker setting went up to 10, hers was at 11.
It turned out to be her sister on the other end, and within seconds the entire dining room was included in an incredibly loud review of the week’s grocery list. “YES, WE NEED BROCCOLI! AND CAULIFLOWER, OF COURSE!” Every word bounced off the walls.
About 30 seconds into the call, an employee came out from the kitchen carrying food for the grandparents and the grandchildren. He walked right by the woman on the phone…briefly slowed down…but then kept going to deliver the food. He then quickly retreated to the kitchen without saying anything.
I wasn’t sure how the situation would resolve itself, but after another 30 seconds or so, the woman from the couple stood up, walked over the other woman on the call, and roared: “YOU ARE TALKING INCREDIBLY LOUD, AND IT’S VERY F***ING ANNOYING! KNOCK IT OFF OR GO OUTSIDE!”
Was this response the most graceful approach? Probably not. Was it effective? Absolutely. The woman on the phone immediately told her sister she had to go and ended the call.
What stayed with me wasn’t just the phone call or even the confrontation. It was the moment in between when the employee noticed the issue, paused, and then quietly pretended it wasn’t happening. His pause said a lot to me about the uncertainty many employees feel in these instances.
When no one is sure who should act
This article is not going to be a story about bad manners or shaming guests or how to use technology properly. It is about what happens when personal behavior spills into shared environments and nobody in leadership has clearly defined how, or if, that behavior should be addressed. When expectations are unclear, employees hesitate, managers stay silent, and eventually another guest steps in to enforce boundaries in a way that can be far less controlled and far more explosive.
Situations like the one I witnessed are unfortunately becoming more common in hotels and restaurants (and I’m sure our colleagues in the theatre industry can add quite a few stories here as well). Guests take phone calls on speaker, scroll through videos at full volume, or set up tablets so their children can watch shows without headphones, all while surrounded by strangers who did not consent to be part of the soundtrack. What used to feel like obvious shared-space etiquette now feels strangely negotiable, and frontline employees are often left wondering whether this behavior is something they are expected to address or something they are supposed to ignore.
While technology has made these situations more frequent and more visible, the underlying issue is not new. Any behavior that overtakes a mutual environment – whether it comes from a phone, a conversation, or something else entirely – creates the same moment of uncertainty for employees about whether and how to step in. The device may change, but the hesitation does not.
And here is where things get uncomfortable from a training perspective. Many hospitality teams are exceptionally well-trained on speed of service, product accuracy, and recovery when something goes wrong. Far fewer are given guidance on how to protect the shared experience of the space itself. We rarely talk about how to intervene when one guest’s behavior diminishes the experience of others, especially when that behavior falls into a gray area rather than a clear policy violation.
That silence leaves staff guessing. Is this issue something I’m allowed to address? Is the situation going to escalate? Will I be supported if the guest pushes back? When employees do not have clear answers to those questions, the safest option often feels like doing nothing at all, even when everyone in the room is uncomfortable.
To change this dynamic, leaders need to stop treating these disruptions as rare exceptions and start acknowledging them as a predictable part of modern hospitality. Just as we prepare teams to handle long waits, incorrect orders, or frustrated travelers, we should also prepare them to navigate situations where one guest’s behavior negatively affects others. This work is not about policing every annoyance; it is about protecting the environment we invite people into.
Defining the space before guests do
The first step is deciding, at an organizational level, what kind of atmosphere you are trying to maintain. Hotel lobbies and restaurant dining areas are not supposed to be our living rooms, even when guests feel comfortable enough to treat them like one. If leaders don’t define the atmosphere they expect, guests will define it for them, and not always in ways that align with the brand.
Once the company has clarified its vision, those in the training and operations can focus on practical, supportive approaches rather than improvisation. For example:
- Setting clear expectations in advance and reinforcing them internally: If quiet, respectful shared spaces matter to your brand, say so explicitly. This expectation can show up in signage, reservation confirmations, or guest-facing language, but it must also be reinforced in onboarding and ongoing training. Employees should not have to wonder whether asking a guest to lower their volume is allowed.
- Providing specific language employees can use without over-scripting: Teams can benefit from having a few respectful, flexible phrases they can adapt to the situation, such as, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’re trying to keep the dining room comfortable for everyone,” or, “Would you mind lowering the volume a bit? We’ve had a few guests mention the noise.” This approach gives staff a starting point without forcing them into a rigid script.
- Training for escalation paths, not just first responses: Employees need to know what to do if a guest refuses or becomes defensive. Who do they involve next? What support can they expect from a supervisor? When those steps are clearly outlined, employees are far more likely to address issues early rather than avoid them altogether.
- Normalizing manager involvement and visible support: Managers should be trained to step in promptly and calmly when these situations arise, not as enforcers, but as advocates for both the team and the overall guest experience. When employees see leaders backing them up in real time, it reinforces trust and reduces hesitation the next time a similar issue appears.
- Acknowledging the emotional labor involved: Asking someone to change their behavior in a public setting is uncomfortable, even when done politely. Recognizing that effort during coaching conversations or performance reviews sends a powerful message that protecting the guest experience includes protecting the team doing the work.
Supporting families while protecting the space
It is also worth addressing the situations involving children and devices, which tend to make employees even more hesitant. Many staff members worry that intervening will come across as judgmental or insensitive to beleaguered parents who are simply trying to get through a meal or a check‑in process. Training should acknowledge that reality while still reinforcing that shared spaces require shared consideration.
A simple guideline can help: if other guests are visibly reacting to the noise – turning around, shifting seats, or expressing discomfort – it is appropriate to step in. Employees can be taught to use empathetic, nonjudgmental language such as, “I know it can be tough keeping kids entertained, but would you mind lowering the volume a bit so everyone can enjoy the space?” Offering alternatives, like moving to a quieter area or using headphones if available, can also soften the request.
Consistency matters here. When teams address noise the same way whether it comes from a child’s tablet or an adult’s phone, parents are far less likely to feel singled out. And in practice, most parents appreciate the gentle reminder; many simply don’t realize how far the sound is carrying.
The environment is the experience
What often gets overlooked in these conversations is that most guests actually appreciate when staff maintain the tone of the space. The confrontation I witnessed in that restaurant did not need to happen, and it likely made everyone more uncomfortable than necessary. When employees are empowered to address issues early and respectfully, they prevent exactly those kinds of escalations, and they protect guests from having to police each other.
Ultimately, this approach is about reclaiming a sense of shared responsibility for the environment we create. Hospitality has always been about more than delivering food or handing over a room key. It is about shaping how people feel in a space, including whether they feel relaxed, respected, and considered.
When we avoid addressing disruptive behavior, we quietly shift that responsibility onto other guests, which almost always leads to worse outcomes. But when we prepare and support our teams to handle these moments thoughtfully, we reinforce that creating a welcoming environment is part of the job, and that they will not be left alone when they do it.
The irony is that the most memorable experiences in hospitality are often defined by what does not happen. No confrontation, no tension, and no moment where someone feels uncomfortable enough to speak up. Just a space that feels right, and that does not happen by accident. It happens because leaders decide it matters, and because teams are trained, trusted, and supported to protect it – not just for guests, but for everyone in the room.
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